Finding Flow in Pisgah

I have finally completed a goal I have been working on for a while now.  Yesterday, I finished my first mountain bike ride of 50 miles in 5 hours and twenty minutes, with an average speed of 9.3 mph.  My great friend, Patrick, accompanied me on the ride, and we had an incredible day biking in the woods.  We linked up all the classic trails in Bent Creek and Mills River in Pisgah Forest near Asheville, NC for a sweet epic ride.  Surprisingly, the ride was not as hard as I thought it would be and I did not bonk as I have in the past on long rides.  There were lots of long climbs, but we mixed in all the classic downhills in order to spice up the action.  The day started cloudy with a nice gentle breeze and the temperatures were pleasant as well.  The forecast was for rain later in the day, but luckily we only had lite showers about five times during the ride and did not get too wet.  The rain actually kept us cool and settled the dust on the trails, making the soil tacky and perfect for biking because our tires gripped like velcro.  The big deluge came literally the moment we set foot in our cars at the end of the ride.  Funny how that goes sometimes.  A weird thing also was that no one was out on the trails and we had the forest to ourselves.  I guess everyone was scared away by the forecast.  Their loss I suppose.  We talked a lot on the ride, but Patrick is really fast on the climbs, so he would usually take off at one point.  I would steadily ride at my pace, alone with my thoughts and breath as a companion.  These times spent alone were very memorable and meaningful.  I kept immersing myself in the beautiful surroundings.  The woods were really exploding with the bright yellow-green of the new Spring.  There are hundreds of colors of green in North Carolina and the early bright green of Spring seems to be some of the most vibrant.  It breathes life and glows a radiant yellow hue as if the pulse of life is surging through the leaves and shining the suns rays directly through from above.  The clouds were blanketing the mist covered valleys and creating a rainforest-like feel of freshness and abundance.  The trees swayed gently in the breeze and water dripped rhythmically off the leaves, creating a sense of newness and reawakening of the life within that is Spring.  Sweat was pouring off by brow, and my breath was going in and out as if in sync with the sounds around me in the trees.  You have funny conversations in your head at times like these trudging up a long climb alone.  I felt alive and I felt calm and satisfied.  My body was working in harmony with the bike, the surroundings and the moment.  I felt as if I was right where I was supposed to be, moving my bike up a mountain against the fall of gravity.  I was challenging my mind and pushing through pre-conceived limits and enjoying every moment.  And for every climb, there is a much deserved fast descent on narrow single-track.  You are on the edge of safety and yet flowing effortlessly over rocks and drops, a smile a mile wide the entire time.  The pain of the climb melting away with each pedal rotation and burst of speed down the narrow trail.  A gentle tap on the breaks, a few pedal turns, dodge a rock or obstacle, flow down the fall line.  You are merging with the pull of gravity and speed like a downhill ski racer, making slight adjustments and most of all letting go of your thoughts and just being in the moment.  Flow is the name of the game on descents.  Fear is pushed aside temporarily and you let the bike do what it is made to do, namely bring you down a trail fast and smoothly, absorbing most of the impacts.  Your mind is temporarily detached from the fear and your body just goes.  These moments are fleeting and yet attainable by anyone.  Just let go and ride.  Mountain biking is a great avenue to find these treats in yourself and in nature. When you are out in the heart of wilderness, away from the hustle and bustle, with only your thoughts and actions as companions, good things seem to follow.  I felt this peaceful feeling of flow on this day and it helped me to keep going and to push through the pain. And it truly was one of my favorite rides of the year.  Not bad for a Tuesday afternoon in Pisgah Forest.

Humble Thoughts During a Battered Economy

Today I was hired as a Special Education teacher at Canton Middle School in North Carolina.  This fact seems ordinary to most, but the reality is that it is very big news in my life.  Eight months ago, I was laid off the second time from my last two English teaching positions.  The first time I was at the school for four years and was cut because of budget concerns.  The second time I was laid off because my job was combined into another job to save money, and so I was not qualified for the job any longer.  I had to find work, and I knew it would be hard.  In fact, it has been a full-time job the past eight months.  I get up each morning and search the computer for hours and religiously send out applications and resumes almost daily.  I have applied for exactly 93 jobs in the past eight months, and been on 11 interviews.  I have eight years of teaching experience, and yet was struggling to even get interviews for jobs I was over-qualified for.  Thank God I have been on unemployment during this time, or we surely would have lost the house.  My wife and I have managed to scrape by.  She went back to grad school a year ago for a counseling masters, and so has been in school full-time.  Luckily, she was getting student loans and that helped our small income.  We have managed to rack up our credit card bills to around $15,000 out of necessity.  It is amazing how much it takes to just survive.  We have learned to cut back on many things like going out and traveling, and have saved a lot by cutting wood this year for all our heating needs from the wood stove.  We learned about a discount store called Dickies and Amazing Savings that carry outdated items for around 50 cents.  They carry things like canned food that has been dented or a box of Little Annie’s Mac and Cheese organic dinners that are a few days past the expiration date, but otherwise just fine.  The money saved at that store alone has been incredible.  We did not buy many Christmas presents last year and my wife even made a few gifts herself like ornaments.  We had leftover gift cards from our wedding that we were able to buy a few small gifts with.  Even though it has been hard and I seem to be complaining, it really has not been so bad.  Things financially began to turn in a positive way for us two weeks ago, when I started walking a dog part-time.  That job has given us spending money and helped significantly to not add more to our credit card debt.  But during this entire time, I tried to stay positive, knowing that eventually things would get better.  I kept myself busy by starting riding mountain bikes competitively again and going to races at age 41.  I started writing again, which has been a saviour in its own unique way.  I have been reading a lot more.  I have become a better roommate and keep up with chores better now.  I have spent quality time with my wife and our two cats.  I even got to visit my family after about two years of not seeing them.  I have been thinking a lot and reflecting on life.  One of the best things has been all the mountain biking.  I have seen some amazing terrain and ridden some incredible trails in the past five months.  I saw wildlife like bears, foxes, turkey, grouse, and hawks, and have seen views of the mountains to last a lifetime.  I have experienced much peace during these times in the woods and in my own head as well.  I even starting riding with a group of people who are surely going to be good friends for a long time to come.  I know many people are worse off than we have been, and I have been thankful for the fact that we have family that has helped us some financially where others do not have that luxury.  This whole experience though has taught me to be thankful for the little things, and I know I am happier now than I have been in the past.  We will still struggle to get caught up, and this job is only temporary for the next four and a half months with no guarantee for a position the next year.  It will be a significant pay cut for me, since the job is technically a teacher assistant job.  But it is a job, and I am supremely thankful for that fact.  So many people can not even eat, much less have a place to call home.  In the end, I have been humbled by this learning experience.  I have learned to value the simple pleasures and to not take things and opportunities for granted.  I am happy and I am moving forward and yet much wiser as a result.  I am learning to be humble, learning to be patient and most of all how to persevere.  May life always bring about opportunities for learning and opportunities to grow and think in new ways.  May I continue to be humbled beyond measure.  Thank you.

Water the Life Inside

(Poem originally written in 1993 after reading Homer’s Odyssey)

The water all around

Flooding thoughts careen,

I tread the ocean-trails before me now.

 

Inner glory is what we see

In the eyes of the child.

Beauty made alive

In just a smile.

 

To become what we will,

In this myriad before the eye.

Everything so strange it seems.

Why fight the turbulent waters?

 

Soar with the angels of light.

Dance in the darkness,

So all will know the song.

Embrace the eagles of you dreams.

 

In the end,

All is one in love.

 

Shine hearts delight.

Free the inner child within your soul.

All can partake of the feast.

All can sing the endless song.

 

Shout out joy to the world.

Fly now with the wonder of life.

Give to each day new hope.

Happiness is for all to see.

Motivation in the Face of Fear

Have you ever been afraid to try something new, or been afraid to take action because of the fear of failure?  We all have fears and yet some people learn to live with them and overcome them, while others are paralyzed in their presence.  Personally, I am afraid almost everyday, yet I still get up and face these fears and even overcome them once in a while.  Fear can lead one to action.  Once on a rock climb I was getting tired beyond belief and was moments away from falling.  There was a jagged ledge below and hitting it in a fall could have been deadly.  But somehow, the fear lead me to a do or die action, and I carefully placed my foot on solid holds, breathed in a deep breath, cleared my head and made the move to safety.  In that moment, fear led me forward and I used it to take appropriate action.  I remember being afraid to leave Boulder, Colorado for my first teaching job in California.  I was scared of moving across the country and failing at the job.  But I knew the kids there needed me, and I knew I could help students there find their way.  I was sad to leave the mountains, yet happy for newness.  In life you must always try to grow and seek new pastures or else you will surely fade away with the setting sun.  I remember being afraid to take up mountain bike racing again at age forty.  I wanted to see if I could rise to the challenge, because it had been fifteen years since I raced in Colorado.  I started training relentlessly and went to my first race in Danville, Virginia last October.  I was scared beyond reason and my nerves leading up to the race were overwhelming me.  I could not sleep for two days before the race and I kept catastrophizing bad situations that would happen during the race like getting a flat or crashing and getting hurt.  It turns out that after five minutes of racing it started to rain like a monsoon in Thailand.  It rained hard for an hour and the course was a slop fest.  But halfway through the first lap, I said to myself, “race your own race, it is just for fun.”  I finally calmed down and just started having fun.  I remember there was a woman who had tunes blaring from her I-Phone and she was just singing along with the music and having a blast in the rain.  I rode with her for a while and realized that really this endeavor was just for fun, and to try not to be so serious.  I pushed through the fear and started to have the time of my life.  Funny thing though on the second lap my front brake cable broke so I had only a back brake for nine miles in the mud soaked, slippery course.  But I kept going and finished the race.  I even took ninth place and still beat two people in my age class.  Wow, how was that possible?  Fear in that instance turned to action, and in the end I had fun and learned many lessons about living.  When you can turn fear into a motivator, life begins to reward you.  You realize that all things are possible and failure can happen, but it is all right.  If you fail at something, that is just an opportunity to try it again in a new way.  As Randy Pausch said in The Last Lecture, ”Brick walls are there for a reason…’they’ are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.”  Do you climb over the wall, do you dig a hole and go under it, or do you take a brick out and go through it?  Challenges are stepping-stones to action and trying new things in new ways.  If we never tried new things and stepped out of our comfort zone, we would never grow.  So think about whether fear is holding you back from realizing your true potential.  It is all right to have fear, but try not to let it overwhelm you to the point of non-action.  When you face life directly and go out there and live and not hide from life, life will truly reward you for your efforts.  I have learned so many life lessons simply by action and failure.  Get out there and try something new.  Climb a mountain, write a story, ride your bike, communicate to a distant family member, ask a girl or guy out to the movies, dream big, travel, live life.  Take your next step.  In the end, only good things will come to you.